Margin notes
Fifteen small observations on behaviour, care and the things we reveal without meaning to. Too small for essays. Complete as they are.
01
A person can be easy to work with and difficult to know.
We praise the ease because it benefits everyone around them.
The distance is quieter.
02
The message that says “no rush” sometimes contains a great deal of rush.
We know this because we have written it while checking the screen.
03
Being understood is lovely.
Being believed before the full explanation is finished can feel even rarer.
04
There are people who remember every small preference and forget to form preferences of their own.
Ask them where they want to eat and watch how quickly they hand the decision back.
05
A calm person may have learned calm.
She may also have learned that the room could not hold her panic.
The behaviour looks identical from across the table.
06
I am suspicious of any advice that makes being human sound like an administrative error.
07
Some people ask for help by becoming visibly efficient near you.
They organise the folder, solve two smaller problems and wait for someone to notice the third one is too heavy.
08
A delayed reply can be a delay.
It can also become a story about rejection before lunch.
The phone has done nothing. The old room has opened.
09
We call someone private when they keep information to themselves.
Sometimes privacy is the first boundary they were allowed to own.
10
The person who says “I’m fine” may be lying.
She may also be too tired to produce a version of the truth that will be easy for everyone else to receive.
11
A compliment can miss when it praises the strategy that is exhausting the person.
“You always handle everything” sounds different on the twentieth year.
12
The right question is often smaller than the speech we prepared.
What happened?
What did you need?
What happens now?
13
There is a kind of loneliness that comes from being known only for what you can carry.
14
You can understand why someone behaves a certain way and still decide that the behaviour cannot keep happening near you.
Curiosity and boundaries belong in the same room.
15
Noticing changes the next sentence.
That is often enough for one day.